this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
COCAINE IS GR8
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
