Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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