Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
