I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I love you.
Bad choice
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