So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
