my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
