maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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