Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
