i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
