think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
