I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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