You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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