The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
