Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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