In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
