im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he fucked my hip out of place.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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