party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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