Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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