Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
