he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
