i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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