He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
