Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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