If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
