apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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