just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
