You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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