I got chris browned last night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
