Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
