i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
