im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This toilet bowl is my home.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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