don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
