i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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