You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Randomize
