did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
