i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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