11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
