where does the pee come out of this thing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
