i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
