Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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