Where did you get a picture of my penis
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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