Swine flu. Run for my life!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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