idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
