Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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