I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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