I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
