i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
