It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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