i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
