how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
